How This Book Came To Be:
As a warm April Monday was dawning in Southern California, numerous voice messages and emails from across the U.S. had been arriving at Carol’s office in the hours before she did. They were from adult children, parents, and therapists, who had read an article about her work with Adult Children of Gray Divorce. The voice messages and emails echoed themes that were all too familiar to Carol. She heard the voices and read the words of:
Adult Children: “I did not know anyone even knew about what I have been going through. Thank you for talking about this! Can you help me?”
“I feel so alone. Please reply to this email and tell me where I can get help.”
“Mom is really depressed since Dad left us. I’m so worried about her and don’t know how to help her.”
Parents: “My adult son will not even talk to me. He is so angry at me. I left his father and have never been happier. I just want to be able to be happy and for him to be happy for me. Can you help us?”
“My daughter has been devastated by our divorce. We are going through an acrimonious divorce, and she is floundering and depressed. I had no idea our divorce would hit her like it has. She refuses to let me see my grandchildren. She says since I have left her mother, I have violated all the values I instilled in her as she was growing up. She says I am a bad role model for her kids. Everything I have tried to get through to her has failed. How can I fix this?”
Therapists: “Finally, someone is shining the light on this issue! I have been working with these adult children for years now. It is so difficult for them. They feel adrift because no one acknowledges what they are experiencing.”
“Would you be willing to discuss with me what you have developed in your work with these adult children?”
Research
Research indicates that the divorce rate for the U.S. population over the age of 50 doubled during 1990-2010 and predicts the number of persons 50 and older will grow by one third by 2030. The same trends are occurring worldwide.
Pre-Publications Reviewers Say:
“Despite a 40-year low in U.S. divorce, the divorce rate has doubled for couples over 50 and tripled for those over 65. Home Will Never Be the Same Again evocatively captures the often-devastating, and too often totally unexpected, impact of this rising rate of ‘gray divorce’ on Young Adult and Adult Children.” – Patricia Papernow, author of Surviving and Thriving in Stepfamily Relationships: What Works and What Doesn’t
“This book is about learning to heal. But it’s also insightful for any else who cares for the people described in it, including (and especially) the Adult Child’s parents.” –Joryn Jenkins, Changing the Way the World Gets Divorced TM
“Two experienced therapists share illustrative stories that shed light on the impact on grown children and families when their parents’ long-term marriage comes apart. Not only is it a helpful resource for Adult Children, but it will help parents understand how to minimize the harmful effects of their divorce.” –Constance Ahrons, PhD, author of The Good Divorce and We’re Still Family
“This book is not just a guide for those often-ignored Adult Children of gray divorces, but also a guide and support for therapists and even for those gray parents contemplating a divorce. The authors’ experience and commitment to this group is thoroughly and helpfully presented.” –Stu Webb, founder of Collaborative Law concept
“Finally, an in-depth description of the effects of divorce on Adult Children. The authors bring to life the depths of isolation and loneliness these children experience with no one to talk to and no way to understand their own emotions. Hughes and Fredenburg, though this ground-breaking book, have given all of us in the field a new tool to help both divorcing parents and their [Adult] Children face this life transition in a way that leads to healing instead of family destruction.” –Nancy Ross, LCSW, BCD, divorce coach, mediator, trainer, psychotherapist communication specialist for trusts and estates
Carol R. Hughes, Ph.D.
Carol R. Hughes, Ph.D., is a California-licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and family-focused divorce professional, who works with children, adolescents, and adults in her private practice in Laguna Hills, California.
Bruce Fredenburg
Bruce R. Fredenburg is a California-licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who helps families solve problems. Bruce is in private practice in Laguna Hills, California.
