This article is the first in a series that provides practical takeaways from three pioneers in family conflict resolution, who through their decades of experience have become internationally respected peacemakers and trainers of families and divorce professionals.

According to the Association for Conflict Resolution, a U.S. nonprofit organization, Conflict Resolution Day was conceived in 2005 to:

“Promote awareness of mediation, arbitration, conciliation and other creative, peaceful means of resolving conflict;
Promote the use of conflict resolution in schools, families, businesses, communities, governments and the legal system;
Recognize the significant contributions of (peaceful) conflict resolvers;
Obtain national synergy by having celebrations happen across the country and around the world on the same day.”
October has become a time to promote and celebrate peaceful conflict resolution practices worldwide.

Carol Hughes: Looking back over your career, what experiences or realizations led you to believe there had to be a better way for families to resolve the conflicts of divorce?

Bill Eddy: I was trained in child and family counseling in 1980, when I got my master’s in social work degree. Included in our training was an introduction to personality disorders, which helped in several of my cases. I practiced part-time and full-time as a therapist over the next 12 years, including in a psychiatric hospital and an out-patient clinic. Many of my clients were involved in divorces and family court. I was already aware of mediation as a better out-of-court solution for most families, but if one parent wanted to go to court, that is where they ended up. I also recognized that many families involved in “high conflict” cases included one or two parents with personality disorders or traits. They really were not being well served in the adversarial process of court, so I wanted to make court and mediation fit their needs better. I believed that it would be better to calm the conflict and focus on teaching parents skills to be more successful, rather than to get stuck fighting.

CH: After decades of working with divorcing families, what is the one thing you most wish families understood about conflict during divorce?

BE: That the conflict can be managed by learning and practicing helpful skills yourself, rather than focusing on the other person. Even one person learning good communication and self-management skills can calm a conflict and help the children.